Chapel – Lisa Oppitz
Good morning. It is so nice to see everyone here, both new and familiar faces. And welcome to those joining us via livestream. This is my first in-person chapel experience in nearly three years. It's so good to be here. Please join me in an opening prayer.
Lord, thank you for your presence, your provision, your gentleness and your amazing grace. I pray that all those listening would experience a sense of your encouragement, compassion, and peace, as we reflect today on how gentleness can help us connect in beautiful ways with you, with others, with ourselves. We acknowledge and thank your Spirit in advance for equipping and empowering us with this fruit. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I pray, amen.
Well, today I'd like to reflect on how a posture of gentleness can inform our personal and relational response to anxiety. Now, I recognize it's not exactly a stretch for a psychotherapist to choose a passage that references anxiety, but stay tuned and I hope there might be something a little different to ponder in this familiar passage, especially as we consider verse five. From Philippians, chapter four, verses four through seven, I'll read from the NIV. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Have you ever tried a sport where you had to attach heavy, awkward or constricting stuff to your feet? I've had varied experiences with downhill, water, and cross country footwear, skis, boots, board skates, snow shoes, you get the idea. One body memory I have is of getting skis criss crossed, either while standing or more likely, when trying to regain an upright position. You know, when you just can't seem to untangle yourself and you realize it's because you're inadvertently putting a ton of pressure down on the foot, you actually need to lift up, or release, to get free. I'm going to ask you to keep that visual, or sense of that body memory with you, as we consider the implications of the, of the exhortation to gentleness today, and the applications to many dimensions of our wellness. On July 23 2019, Dr. ? Tam preached in chapel on Philippians four. I know this, because I still have the notes I took on my phone. His reflections on verse five, and on the relationship between gentleness and anxiety, resonated deeply with me. He referred to gentleness or a gentle spirit as an antidote to anxiety. I thought about the connections between the concepts and experiences of gentleness and anxiety more over the past few years. And it's been fascinating to recognize aspects of theological and psychological integration, and of pastoral, personal and divine compassion. Ideas I'd like to focus in on today. Now, this is sometimes one of those passages that we move through quickly, as it may have become quite familiar. It's understandably familiar as it directly mentions anxiety, a very common human experience. We often reference this scripture, when we, or someone we know is experiencing that sense of stomach churning, mind racing, muscle tensing, dread, fear, and/or avoidance. And we see the "Do not be" and think, but "I am, what do I do now?" Well, we are encouraged to choose joy, and connect with God in prayer. There's also that reference to thankfulness. And we know that an intentional practice of gratitude can have an impact on our experience of symptoms of anxiety. But today, we're going to look more closely at the be gentle part of scriptures encouraged response to the experience of anxiety.
One of the things you recognize, or realize, when you take the time to listen intentionally to others, is that people tend to be hard on themselves. Think about that colloquial expression, hard on myself. Hard on yourself. What does that image what kind of image does that phrase have? The physical qualities of a solid, heavy object come to my mind, something unrelenting or unforgiving. Maybe something with weight that presses down or even oppresses. Now, I don't think the main idea behind that expression is to reference a self imposed physical burden, though it could. Rather the meaning is related to a tough, harsh, emotional response to self. Whether it's related to expectations or evaluations of ourselves, our self talk can be quite harsh. Many people speak to themselves in a tone or manner they rarely use with other people. For many, there's this unconsciously held belief that harshness will produce results. Think about the harshness, or the force exerted on the twisted skis. Or the last time you yanked on a stuck electrical cord, or a drawer. Our harshness can produce results, but sometimes with additional consequences. There are all kinds of names for, and concepts around, the origin of that harsh inner voice that can dominate our self talk. The inner critic, false self, protector part, manager part, the internalized voice of an authoritarian person from our past, even the accuser. I think most people are familiar with that voice that whispers, or shouts, any combination or versions of taunts, and half truths. When we speak harshly with someone, often what results is a sense of disconnection. One reason for that, is that the person we're speaking unkindly to, may get defensive, or self protective, they're experiencing a stress reaction. When we speak harshly with ourselves, a similar sense of disconnection, or alienation, can result. That harsh self talk, critical or negative words, phrases can be perceived by your nervous system as a form of threat. The impact of thinking, "I'm a rotten person, and this is going to be a terrible essay" can activate your nervous system stress response. The body doesn't really tell the difference between being chased, or hearing, whether from another person, or from yourself, that you stink and failure is imminent. Your body and brain, brain reacts to stress in danger in order to keep you safe. Whether it's a real, or perceived physical or psychological threat. Our heart rate increases, our stomach tightens, cortisol and adrenaline are released into our bloodstream. Our body and brain's defense system is designed to react quickly to keep us safe. Sometimes we react by becoming irritable or angry, or we try to get away. Sometimes we just shut down.
I share all this to set up the contrast between the impact of harshness with self, with the response of gentleness. Let your gentleness be evident to all. I want to suggest that we might consider the intrapersonal dimension of the posture and act of gentleness in this encouragement. By intrapersonal, I mean how we relate or connect with ourselves. Let that sit with you for a moment, the idea of being gentle with yourself. And the idea that other people, all others, in fact, would be able to observe your evident gentleness, not only in how you interact with others, but in how you relate to your own self. Isn't it possible that gentleness or gentle spirit "epieikeia" in the Greek to all, might include gentleness "epieikeia" with yourself? That reasonableness, as in the English Standard Version "with all" might also include reasonableness, fairness, patience with yourself. That a gracious, compassionate and measured way of speaking with yourself might be something that helps us respond to the human experience of stress and suffering in adaptive ways. Most particularly fostering our ability to connect well with others, with God and with ourselves. From a neurobiological perspective, gentleness, in tone, posture and words leads to a decrease in anxiety because it brings a sense of calm and safety to the nervous system.
Now we assign these categories, understandably, neurobiological, spiritual, emotional, relational, cognitive. But I just appreciate the intractable interconnectedness between all of those dimensions of our human experience that are woven together in this verse. Think back to my tangled skis analogy. The harder I pushed or pulled, the more force I applied, the worse the situation felt. My heart rate increased. I was feeling embarrassed and frustrated. I was certainly being hard on myself, and my gentle spirit was not evident to anyone watching the scene unfold. But what might have been different, if I had slowed down? Noticed what was happening, became curious, and spoke gently to myself. "Wow, this is really frustrating. I'd love to be better at this. Learning new things is a process and it's not easy for most people. I'm okay, I'm going to be okay. Maybe I can try this in a different way." Now, I realize, I recognize that sometimes it can be difficult to speak with gentleness, kindness and grace to yourself. For some people, there is a sense of fear, that being kind or gracious to themselves, might be just about making excuses, letting themselves off the hook, or lead to an unhealthy sense of permissiveness. That fear is often what keeps us hooked in by self critical thinking. A part of us comes to believe that harshness is what will keep us in line. Well, it can. It can also lead to shame, and the unhelpful stress reactions I've already described. Interestingly, true and lasting growth, and change, are much more connected with responses of grace. Please be assured that I recognize arguments around cheapening grace when it comes to gracious self talk. This is not that. It isn't excuse making or permissive. It's reasonable, fair, and patient. Remember, a gentle reasonable posture towards self acknowledges the reality of your experience. It can help you connect to the greater human experience of trial and suffering, and have greater compassion in your relationships with others. A gentle spirit fosters connection with yourself, with others and with God.
The posture of gentleness, and reasonableness, and your responsiveness to yourself is what we call self compassion, which Dr. Kristin Neff explains, is truly about learning to treat ourselves with the same kind, caring, and compassion that we would extend to a good friend. James C. Wilhoit, scholar at Wheaton College, in his article on self compassion as a Christian spiritual practice goes on to explain that self compassion is being empathic and caring for ourselves, not encouraging disillusioned perspectives of ourselves. Self Compassion does not mean excusing, but an accountability delivered in a compassionate and respectful way. He notes that critical self talk is not ultimately private, because it shapes how we view and interact with others. When we are unkind, ungentle, or unreasonable with ourselves, there is not only a personal or intra-personal impact, there is very often a relational or interpersonal impact. The harshness and disrespect toward ourselves can lead to the shame I already noted, which can lead to withdrawal and disconnection from God and others. Wilhoit goes on to remind that a self critical spirit begins with the self and seeks to whip one shelf, self into shape. Christian self compassion, begin, begins with the abundant compassion of God and speaks God's gracious words to oneself. Self criticism makes us uniquely vulnerable to Satan's accusations, interferes with God's call for us to learn to love what is lovely, hinders our resting in God's acceptance of us, and works against the Spirit given tendency towards self forgetfulness, often fostering an inordinate self focus. It can be corrosive to one's soul. In contrast, self compassion is fulfilling your relational responsibility to yourself. Respecting your value as being created in the image of God, honoring your gifts and God given uniqueness and responding with empathy for the difficulties you face. Because of God's comfort to us, we are enabled to be compassionate. We remember and are encouraged by second Corinthians chapter one, verse three to four, "the Father of compassion, and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
Practicing self compassion, choosing gentleness and reasonableness in ourselves responses is one way we open our hearts to connect with and receive the love of God. Maybe you're thinking, great, another thing to be intentional about, to do well. But look at that precious truth that forms the second part of verse five. "The Lord is near." In the midst of the passage, passage commands to rejoice, demonstrate gentleness, to present requests in a prescribed manner, tucked right in there, is the promise that the Lord is near. The Lord is close, and present, and with you. You are not alone as you bring intentionality to gentleness. It's also helpful for me to remember that gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit. The Holy Spirit is empowering us in the bringing forth of this formed, ripened or ripening aspect of our way of being. We're partnering. We're not striving or mustering this all up on our own. Release the pressure and the harshness and notice what happens with a response and posture of gentleness. And so I pray with the closing verses of today's passage, that the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Amen.
If you are a student here at Tyndale University and you would like to discuss some of the ideas and issues this message perhaps brought up for you, please feel free to reach out to the Tyndale Wellness Centre. We have a team of wonderful intern therapists, many of whom are on site today and this week, staffing information kiosks, who would be honoured to walk alongside you as you process these and other mental health and wellness issues. Our team of registered psychotherapists is also available to meet with people in the broader community. And so please feel free to reach out for support. Thank you.
