Chapel – Elizabeth Reynolds
Well, apparently I'm excited to be here, as I misread my cue to come up here. But what an amazing time to just be with God, together with this beautiful time of worship. So I just, I just want to take a moment to appreciate the privilege of being here together.
So Tyndale, maybe you know me, I'm Lizzy Reynolds, I'm honoured to be here today. That being said, this is not the typical way I communicate, or the most comfortable way, I typically have a cup of tea and there's one person we're listening, and we're talking, or maybe I'm in the cafeteria, and I'm hearing stories, or maybe in a Bible study. So this seems bigger, less cozy, but we're gonna like, bring it in as I'm going to share bits of my life. And maybe we can have some interaction as we go. But as I pondered what to share with you today, I began to think about the many conversations that I've had this semester with students, my friends, with myself. And as I scan the past months of my journal entries, I see a theme. And it's me talking to God, saying, "I give up God, I can't do this anymore. I'm overwhelmed. This is too much for me." Maybe you've said this to yourself, feelings of anxiety, around being a student, or completing assignments, writing midterms, being fully "in person" again, making new friends, going to class? Or what about relational complexities? Will I ever find my life partner? What about the job? After I graduate, what's the job going to be God? This season of our lives can bring a lot of fear, and anxiety, stresses, longings, lots of overwhelming feelings that are hard to navigate. And sometimes you just want to give up. Sometimes, wanting to give up is really simple. Like, you're prepping for a presentation or a paper and you just don't want to do it. Sometimes it's really big. It's really devastating, when something happens to you that the circumstances are just overwhelming. We've had some of those this semester. And so what I want to talk about is how we can create space to abide with our Saviour, in the midst of these raging feelings that we wish would go away. And you need to understand that I know that I'm not alone. And you're not alone, in that it's the human experience to go through stages of instability. We don't get from point A to point B, without intermediate stages of "How am I going to do this? What's happening next? I'm not really sure." You know, there's just, this is the law of all things, that we go through these stages.
We see this in the scriptures. I'm going to name a few of these amazing people. Moses, he gets called on this amazing journey, and he's walking with these wayward people. He heads up to the mountain to spend time with God, and God and him have a conversation, comes down the mountain with the tablets, is going to instruct the people. He comes down, and what does he see? People are having a party, people are worshipping the God that they created. And he is like, done, throws the tablets down. I'm done with this God. It's not working out like I planned. Forget it.
Hannah. We've gotten to study her in Abides this semester. This beautiful woman longs for a child. She's waiting. She's waiting. Her friends are taunting her. She's in worship. She's giving her life over and over to God. She's waiting. She's bitter.
Samuel. From the very beginning, he's anointed to help guide the people, to listen to the Almighty King, the God of all things, and what did the people want? They want a human king, and he has to navigate with God how to work with wayward humans. He often says, This isn't what it was meant to be.
David, he's lonely. He's afraid of his enemies. He's in anguish over his own sin. We have so many psalms that talk about David saying, I'm done. I'll keep going...
Elijah. He does an amazing, he's a part of amazing miracle with the prophets of Baal and the rains come down, the water and are, the Almighty God sets these aflame. He should be having a party, and yet he heads up a mountain and says "I'm done with this. This is too much."
Jonah, he doesn't want to do what God asks him to do. He's going the other way.
Job. I have no peace, I have no quiet. Everything has been taken from him.
We see these characters in the scriptures, they have to go through stages of instability, of calling, of excitement, of a yes. And then they get in the middle of it. And it's like no.
Jesus. Super amazing example, of stages of instability. I don't know if you've ever looked in this chapel. But there are 14 stages of the cross around you. Jesus didn't go from the garden, where he cries and says, "If you could just make another way for this to happen, God, I'd love it, Plan B, not this plan." So he says, I sort of don't want to do this, I give up. But he continues to follow how God has ordained him to walk in their stages of instability. There's 14 stages, that we document here, of what it's like to live in the human experience. Fear, pain, anguish, disappointment, heartache. So we can take note that this actually is going to happen in our lives, we see it in the Scriptures. And it seems easier to kind of look at the Stations of the Cross, and look at the people in the scriptures and say, "Yeah, I know, they felt that way. But look what happened in the end, Lizzie." It's, it's easy to look at other's lives and sort of see the stages, but what about our own lives when you have to sort of own up, and live in and through our stages of instability? And how do we walk with God in that.
I'm gonna give you a few examples in my own life, in my young life that I have. The first one is when I was in university, at some of your stage, some of you are in this stage. And I loved University, I went to a Christian college in Michigan. I was almost in every club, there could be, I was so excited about learning, I became a double major and a minor. I didn't think I really needed to sleep, you know. There's just too much to do, and too much to engage in. And it wasn't until my third year where I was like, Whoa, I don't think I can handle this God, this is too much. And I sort of just wanted to give up. I was it was there was relational complexities. There's the boyfriend, there's this, there's everything. I can't do this anymore. God. So I'm wondering, at that stage, should I give up? What do you think? Lizzie, should you give up, or should I keep going? Keep going, okay, Rainer's gonna put a picture of it. There I am, I did keep going. I am there with my grandma. I've got my cap on. And somehow, we made it through the stages of instability to this day. Now, you what you don't know about this day, is a few weeks earlier, the boyfriend did break up with me. So I'm heartbroken here actually. And, I'm gonna go home and live at home. I don't have a job. And I don't know what I'm doing next. Okay, so I finished one stage, and with God of instability, moving into another one, but we celebrate this moment. Fast forward a few more years, I ended up going to seminary, I met my husband, I got married, he was called to go do his PhD in Scotland. And so I went along with him. And I was at the point where I have my undergraduate, I have my master's degree. Now we're going to do a great work, God, like I'm ready now. Well, my credentials didn't transfer over to the UK. And so somehow, no one really understood what I wanted to do. They don't really have youth pastors, or church workers, in the same way. I thought I might be a chaplain or work in the schools. That wasn't available. So weeks and months went by. And finally I just said, I gotta get a job. Because sometimes God's will is just a paycheck, you know? So I started working at a coffee shop, similar to a Starbucks, or a second cup. It was called Costa Coffee. I was a team member, then an assistant manager, and then I became a manager. And for about three years, God and I wrestled, I was like, God, really? I went to seminary, why am I here? And I didn't sign up for this. Like I've worked really hard to do a job that's bigger, or more meaningful, or more mission minded. Like why am I here with people that have never even, they don't even, haven't even gone to university? I was frustrated, and wrestling, and questioning, and doubting. Should I give up at that point? What do you think? No, keep going, Lizzie, keep going, okay, here I am. This is a part of my crew, my amazing crew at Costa Coffee. And you know what? My fourth year, praise God, He broke through. And I humbled myself. And I felt like God said, Lizzie, how dare you think a job is more sacred than another job? How dare you not love on the people that come in and just grab a coffee? What do you think? So these people that I worked with, the customers that I served, the water too, the extra hot with foam and cinnamon, and this whatever, they became my people, God's people. I'm even going to a wedding of a friend, this is 20 years ago, I was able to share God's story, God's love to people that never heard it. I wouldn't change what God designed for me. But I did fight Him along the way. And I did want to give up.
Now, in this moment, you can't see, but I'm pregnant with my first child. Ben is finishing up his PhD, but we have no job. And we don't know where we're going to live. So we're moving into another stage of instability. Fast forward some more years, Ben and I are here in Toronto. He's working at Tyndale. I have three sons. And I often would go to the hockey games, and interact with students, just to get out and socialize. And I remember one day, we were at a hockey game, and Barry and George, were there. And Barry looked up at me at the stands, and I had my kids, and he's like, "Hey, Lizzie. George, and I have been talking, how about you come and work with us? We want you to be a part of our team." And I was like, "No, I'm a mom. I mean, I know my kids are all going to be in school, but really, like, I'm not ordained and I don't have a PhD." And they're like, "No, seriously, we really want you to just come and join us." So I decided to come into this family. And it's evolved over the years. This is my sixth year working here. And it evolved into mentoring, and spiritual development, and working with the student leaders, and prayer, and it's really evolved. But I can't, can't tell you how many days I've doubted being here. If I'm the right person, super insecure person. Lord, Couldn't there be someone else with like the PhD and all the academic lingo, that should do my job? Many times, I've just wanted to give up. Should I give up? What do you think? Keep going, Lizzie. Okay. It's coming. Look at that. This is at the U getaway, many of you are in this picture. If I give up, I don't get to be a part of this big story. All these lives. You bless my life. You help me keep living, and believing, and trusting, and digging deep. Presently, my children aren't young anymore. I have a high schooler now. And, you know, to be honest, I don't know how to be a mom of a high schooler. Never done it before. I have a lot of fear around it. I loved my little cozy nest. Library time, swim time, worship time, meal time. But now it's all moving out. And it's, it's just different. I don't really like it. I often say "Lord, can't we go back to the way it was?" I like my little family. I like my little boys. I don't know how to raise adults, or maturing children. So should I give up on my family? Should I give up being a mom, just because I don't know what I'm doing, or I'm afraid. What do you think? Keep going. So let's see if there's a picture. There's not a picture. Because I'm smack dab in the middle of this work. I'm smack dab in the middle of overwhelmed. Not sure how to navigate this next season. God didn't give me a memo about how it's all going to go. I can't give up. And so, I've had many sleepless nights this semester because of being a mom, working, high schooler. Devastating deaths this semester. And one night, the Lord woke me up in this image. And these words, this phrase came to my mind, in the middle of the night. Maybe you've heard this phrase. The phrase is "Stop, drop and roll." When do we do that? Anybody know? I hope you got this memo. When you're on fire.
Okay. Now, for me, when I'm anxious and overwhelmed, and I'm doubting, and I'm not too sure, I'm almost being consumed by something so great. And I, and I want to run frantically, you know, like, get me out of here, anything, but but living in the midst of this feeling. But we all know that that doesn't work when you're on fire, it makes it worse. So let's bring these three words into how to work with intermediate stages of fear, doubt, unknown, overwhelm. We stop. So there's a lot of chitter chatter, and fear of the unknown, overwhelm, I want to give up. You stop right there in the middle of it, you breathe. Lord, I'm having so many overwhelming emotions, the circumstances, I'm not enjoying. But you know what? The emotions, how you feel about your life, the circumstances in your in, they do not dictate who you are, who God is, and how your will always be connected to him. There's this separation, we create space, as we stop, to say, God, I'm here, you're here. And guess what all these scary emotions are here too. And you allow it to be there. Because it belongs, as we saw in the scriptures of the saints that have gone before us, they live and they talk about it, and it's been written about. So it's important to not wish it away yet. Stages of the cross. You stop. And you sit with God knowing the emotions are there and it's okay. You drop. Okay? You drop in a surrender. I'm overwhelmed. This isn't what I thought it would be. I'm frustrated. I'm deeply sad. And you pour out your heart to God, we see this with Jesus. We see this with men, we see this with Hannah. We see this, this, this very intimate exchange of a conversation, sometimes groans, there's not even words. Whispers, tears. And as you drop, again, you're creating space for intimacy, for conversation, for telling God. How do you really feel? You drop. Sometimes it's, it often is on your knees, maybe prostrate, and you open your mouth, and you speak about how you feel about this stuff. You roll. How are we going to roll? You're gonna roll by recalling, and remembering, how God has been faithful to you. I have these pictures that helped me remember and recall, God, I felt overwhelmed before I felt lost. I didn't know what was coming. But look what she did. He got me to the next, and to the next, and the next. So you're gonna recall, you're going to remember how God has been faithful to you. And you're also, you're going to look up, and look at your life. Look at the fabric of your life. Look at your professors, your friends, the ground in which you're standing, standing on, the food at which you're eating, the music at which your ears are hearing, the birds that are singing, the wind, you're going to see that God is sustaining you.
He's here. He doesn't take a wand and take it all away. If Jesus, the Son of God, had to walk through 14 stages of instability. Get a clue. This is what we're going to do. I guess we're going to hang in there with these emotions, and fears, and doubts and unknowns. I guess we're going to create some space to stop, to drop to surrender. I guess we're going to take some time to roll through our photos and see how God has been faithful to us. I guess we're going to roll out the flames of overwhelm, and overthinking, and fear that we're going to look at our lives. And we're going to see how God is present. He's there to help. He's there to love, and he's there to come alongside you. He will never leave you. He will not take all these bad feelings away. But He'll be with you in them, and grow your capacity to live in and through hard times. Because we want to become a people that are resilient. That walk near to the Saviour. And it's not about white knuckling it through life. I'm strong, I can do this. It's about surrendering. It's about dependence. Dang it. It's about dependence on the God of the universe. This takes effort. Even yesterday, I had to do this stop drop roll thing, probably 50 times as I was concerned about this. And then another thing, and another thing, I was like, I gotta practice this does this work? I don't know if it works. But I know Jesus and I are talking a lot. I know that He is holding me. I know I'm investing in the relationship of my lifetime. Like this is it. Am I fixed? Is it over? Am I happy?
It's beyond that. It's about intimacy. It's about abiding in all things. St. Francis of Assisi wrote a beautiful verse. A poem. It's called in "All things." It was easy to love God in all that was beautiful. The lessons of deeper knowledge, though, instructed me to embrace God in all things. The deeper knowledge, the lessons of deeper knowledge, though, knowledge of knowing our Saviour. They instruct me to embrace my saviour in all things.
Friends, we're not going to white knuckle it through the intermediate stages of challenges, and exam season. You know what you're going to do, you're going to stop, you're going to breathe, you're going to know that it's okay to have overwhelm. You're going to drop, you're going to surrender, you're going to pray. You're going to sense compassion, ad love, and embrace. And you're going to roll through your own story of God's faithfulness. So I'm gonna pray for us.
God, You are our refuge. Our circumstances aren't our refuge, and our feelings, and our emotions. They're not our refuge, either. Our dwelling place is in You. And You invite us to draw alongside You in all things, in all the intermediate stages. Lord, we're so impatient to go from one stage to the next, without any struggle without any bruises or bumps. That's not life. And we know that through the intermediate stages, is where we develop our relationship with You, where we grow. So God give us a willing spirit to embrace You in all things, and to abide in your deep love, your deep sustaining support. Afresh this day.
In Jesus name, Amen.
