Abide – Chastity
Well, welcome friends and welcome to Abide. This is a time where we get to come together, find our sacred quiet spaces, and have open minds and open hearts to the presence of God. In stillness, in reflection, in God's word. And so I'm so glad you're here. We are in a series of the Christian virtues, and today we are going to look into the virtue of chastity, which, well done on you on even clicking on this podcast, as C.S. Lewis says that the virtue of chastity is the most unpopular Christian virtue. So let’s use this time to explore together and open to God together and see what the Spirit will do and how the Spirit will direct us into living more fully in him.
So, find your quiet spot, your quiet posture in yourself now. Close the door, whether that's a literal door or a figurative door where you can just allow the rest of the world and the responsibilities of life to take a pause, and where you can draw your attention inward.
Let's take a gentle inhale and exhale just to become more aware of our bodies. And I, I was out on a walk this morning and just seeing and experiencing the beauty of snow and ice and I stumbled upon a river that was frozen over almost completely, and then there was this trickle of flowing water that I could see. And it reminded me that we often feel sort of frozen over or closed off, maybe toward God or to ourselves or to others. And yet there's always a flowing body of water underneath all that is frozen. And so, no matter how you come to this prayer practice today, whether you're completely frozen over or there's a trickle or a wide stream in your river flowing. We can all be reminded that no matter how thick that ice is, that there is water flowing underneath. And so, our prayer is that we would get to access that life-giving water, that flow, within ourselves, within our relationships with God, and in our relationships with one another, which is how virtues are expressed. So soften that icy mind or heart or body now. And begin to just imagine a river flowing deep within.
I'm going to read a phrase, and I'd like you just to repeat it after me if you're able.
Be still and know that I am God. Be still and know that I am. Be still and know. Be still. Be.
Allow me to read you some words from a book called “Open Mind, Open Heart” by Thomas Keating. And Thomas is speaking about the presence of God, that we are stilling ourselves in now.
“This presence is immense, yet so humble. Awe-inspiring, yet so gentle. Limitless. It's so intimate. Tender and personal. I know that I am known. Everything in my life is transparent in this presence. It knows everything about me. All my weaknesses, brokenness, sinfulness, and still loves me infinitely. This presence is healing, strengthening, refreshing, just by its presence. It is non-judgmental, self-giving, seeking no reward, boundless in compassion. It is like coming home to a place I should never have left. To an awareness that was somehow always there, but which I did not recognize. I cannot force this awareness or bring it about. A door opens within me, but from the other side. I seem to have tasted before the mysterious sweetness of this enveloping, permeating presence. It is both emptiness and fullness at once. We wait patiently in silence, openness, and quiet attentiveness. Motionless, within and without. We surrender to the attraction to be still, to be loved, just to be.”
So this is the kind of presence that we are invited to sit with again today.
And as we experience God's presence here with us now, we can move our hearts toward gratitude. And today's gratitude practice is going to be around our senses. Seeing, touch, hearing, smelling, tasting. And so I'd love for you to just reflect on what the last couple days have been like. And maybe you've had just a wonderful meal. Maybe you've watched a really good show or had fun with a really great game. Maybe you got to enjoy an embrace by a loved one.
Maybe you got to exercise, or be outside, or play in a physical game of some sort, of basketball and got to sweat and work hard. Just spend some time now just tasting and seeing and enjoying how God made your body, and made your body to connect in the world, and to enjoy the world, all of its beauty. So just spend some time now in gratitude for these moments given by God.
Wonderful. I'm going to take us now into the word of God. And I'll also be reading some excerpts from a book “On Reading Well” by Karen Swallow Prior which I've shared with you all in this series. And so we'll just spend some time reflecting on the word of God and some of these other words, and see what comes forward in us as we honor God with our bodies. And so I'll begin with 1 John 2:16-17.
And let's just take a nice deep breath to settle ourselves again before we hear this word. Just relaxing in the body, relaxing in the presence of God, knowing that this space is safe and is a lovely space to just uncover things and learn with God.
1 John 2:16: “For everything in the world—the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”
“For everything in the world—the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”
And another reading from 1 Corinthians 6:19-20: “Do not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
“Do not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
So these Scriptures are reminding us of our physical bodies, reminding us that they are temples where God lives and God cares about how we live. And God is very much involved in the comings and goings and in the thoughts of the body, the mind and the heart and He longs to be closer within in these spaces. So this virtue of chastity is one of purity, one of faithfulness and fidelity toward one, a spouse, and it’s for single people and married. It's for a fidelity toward God. And this often is recognized as a sexual, a virtue that is connected with our sexuality, and yet it really comes into play with all of the different senses and how we use our bodies. And many weeks ago, we studied temperance, and chastity and temperance are almost like brother, sister. Temperance is that quality of moderation, of self-restraint, and of balance, and we studied the life of Jesus in the wilderness when he was tempted and how he reacted to those temptations and so we've already learned a bit about restraint, and pausing, and choosing what's best for the other, and for God, and for ourselves. So we're just continuing in that as we move into this virtue of chastity.
Hear this reading from Karen Swallow Prior: “Sex is, of course, quite natural. As is sexual desire, human vitality is characterized by our natural desires for self-preservation, reproduction, pleasure and community. Just as individuals need food to live, the human race depends on human vitality or the creational impulse in order to continue. Sexual desire is good because it's part of how God designed human beings. God made the continuation of the human race dependent on communion with the desire for one another.”
She goes on to say: “Like temperance, chastity demands more than mere suppression or denial for healthy discipline. Chastity is the proper ordering of one good thing. Sexual desire within a hierarchy of other good things.”
We'll just pause there, and we can just notice how this virtue of chastity, of all other virtues, is often misunderstood. [It] tends to be idealized both negatively and positively, says Karen Swallow, and it's either abhorred or idolized. And so, we have to handle this virtue gently and tenderly and with open minds and hearts to keep learning.
And I think what I love is that God designed us to enjoy all the things that the body gets to enjoy, but there's a proper ordering of how that all goes. And we read in 1 John that the lusts of the world don't come from God and so there's this fine line of enjoying the pleasures of this world and then it going above and beyond and getting out of order, where what you want becomes first and what others or what God wants becomes second and third.
And so we can think of chastity as a pureness of heart that's going to reorder the importance, our values, that God would be first, and that us living in the communities and with the people that we'd be serving them well and caring for ourselves. And so I'm just going to give us some time to pause and just to reflect with Jesus, maybe some of the areas that we just feel are not in great order, or there might not be a temperance or a balance to how we are living in our lives. So, a few examples as we know, it's just our sexuality and how we are connecting with our bodies and with others. This comes in so many different forms, with pornography, and this is something that really skyrocketed in Covid, all these different vices really came to each one of us, didn't they? So some of us really struggle with just our sexuality and our bodies and how to work with our desires. Some of us really struggle with food, it doesn't help that we go to restaurants where it's an all-you-can-eat buffet or free refills of drinks. Some of us struggle with entertainment watching one show after the other, and it doesn't help that Netflix gives you literally five seconds ‘til you can stop, ‘til you get to the next episode. Some of it's just gaming, getting to the next level and hours and hours go by. Some of us it's spending and money and having a credit card, it’s just, you can consume as much as you want and think later. And so I think there's plenty of things, and maybe we struggle a little with all of them. But let's just gently ask the Spirit to, to choose one that just grips us and maybe grieves us, and we have such a history with, and it's so hard. So just spend some time sharing about this, you know, of chastity as a pure heart and a right ordering of things. Just share where your heart has felt not pure and the ordering is way out of whack. And so just speak freely with God and allow him to listen, allow his gentle kindness to come around you in those different circumstances and situations.
What a great start in exploring and just allowing God's tenderness to enter into some of our habits and patterns. Karen Swallow Pryor writes again here: “Chastity is a positive discipline that involves the whole person and affects the whole person. As one philosopher explains, chastity is a quality of one's character, evident in all areas of life. It is a discipline oriented toward becoming a person with an outlook that allows one to selflessly appreciate good and attractive things, most especially bodies and the pleasures they afford by keeping those goods ordered to the good of the whole person and his or her vocation to love. If sex is about persons being bodies together, then chastity is about the right bodies being together at the right time. Chastity, then, is not the mere absence of sex, but an active conforming of one's body to the arc of the Gospel. Properly understood, chastity is not withholding, but giving.”
She also goes on to describe: “Often to live life dominated by the senses, and neglectful of the spiritual things.” And so we sense this in ourselves that we live life dominated and directed by our senses. And so as we sit with God with these words, and with these habits of ourselves, I want us to read our final passage today which is Matthew 11:28-30.
“Come to me, all you [who] are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
And so, friends, I think we’re very much aware of where our indulgences of the senses have just gone pretty haywire. But there's hope in that Jesus says, “Come to me, for those of you who are tired of fighting and trying, and I will give you rest.” And so I'm going to give us a moment now to just think upon the people in our lives that can continue to be helpers as we navigate and reorder our senses, reorder the proper ordering of our loves in our lives. Who are those people that can help us, that we can be accountable to?
And maybe just sitting in these words we’re reminded that this, these challenges are just too big and we might need even professional help to seek this out, and just to ask God where might that professional help come from.
We know that the love of God and the arms of God are always with us, and yet these hidden things, these challenges, these indulgences with our bodies often hurt us, hurt others, and hurt God. And so if we long to be more like God and to develop this virtue of chastity, we’ll need some help. We’ll also need a lot of grace and a lot of patience. I heard it said that the monks in the monastery, someone asked “What do you do all day?” and the monk said, “Well, we fall down and we get back up again. We fall down and we get back up again. We fall down and we get back up again.” And it's just so important to know that we are broken and we make mistakes and we make choices that aren't pleasing to God, and that's part of life. But the important thing is that we would get back up again, that we would hold God's hand and that we would be led to where help is, where development is, where guidance is. And we’ll never get to the place where we never fall, but we want to grow, we want to evolve and we want to live a life that is ordered in a way that glorifies God.
And so friends, let us all just huddle around Jesus now, for he loves us, he made our bodies, he made us to enjoy life. But God, we need help to know when to say enough is enough. We need help with moderation. We need a lot of help in this area, so show us the way. And give us patience with ourselves, as this most likely will be a lifelong practice.
And so we just want to offer this time of prayer and also just the moments and hours ahead, and how this might instruct the hours ahead, to you God. So we say: “Glory be to the Father, glory be to the Son, glory be to the Spirit, as it was in the beginning, as it is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen. Go in peace, my friends.
